"Mountain of Despair" Dedication Ceremony

If our corporate partners are to accumulate ever greater wealth, the people must be taught what to fear.  Americans must learn to live in the shadow of the Mountain of Despair.

-Malcolm P. Stag III, Secretary of Fear

The Mountain of Despair of the United States of America.

President Obama spoke at the dedication ceremony of the Mountain of Despair in the nation's capital Sunday.  The president addressed the nation from a podium at the foot of the mountain.  On account of the imminent risk of another terrorist attack, US citizens and other potential terrorists were seated far away from the president. 

President Obama spoke from the foot of the Mountain of Despair.

The Mountain of Despair is massive.  Its size and height dwarfs the Martin Luther King Stone of Hope. 

Mountain of Despair (left) is larger than the Hope Stone (right).

The Mountain of Despair erupted in the 1950s, leaving behind the so-called Stone of Hope or Hope Stone.  The Hope Stone was discovered by the Rev. Martin Luther King in Montgomery, Alabama.

Mountain of Despair erupted in the 1960s leaving behind a stone.

The Hope Stone isn't to be confused with the Hope Diamond.  The Hope Diamond is on display across the mall in the Museum of Natural History.  

Crowds gather around the Mountain of Despair.

A crowd at the base of the Mountain of Despair

These citizens traveled halfway across the country to have their pictures taken in front of the Mountain of Despair.

People lined up for photographs.

Police harassed two artists after they were caught painting the Stone of Hope.

Police harassing artists in the vicinity of the Mountain of Despair.

A few people have been reported for complaining that Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" line is not engraved into the stone tablets surrounding the Mountain of Despair.  Monument planners had looked into the possibility of including the quote.  However, the U.S. Department of Fear vetoed the idea, viewing it as an incitement to Thought Crime.

Through the Department's ongoing surveillance of the American People -- our colleagues at the NSA read millions of emails a day -- we have identified a number of U.S. citizens who dream of chipping away at the Mountain of Despair.    We like to say that these troublemakers are afflicted by the "Curse of the Hope Stone" (which is not to be confused with the Curse of the Hope Diamond).

Proles dream of ways to chip away at it.

To prevent citizens from chipping away at the Mountain of Despair, "Prohibited Items" on the grounds include various hard metal objects such as scissors, screw drivers, poles, and Leatherman brand tools.

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Prohibited items help keep mountain safe.

The outsourcing of American jobs to China has made our corporate partners very wealthy.  Only goods shipped in boxes labeled "Made in China" were allowed onto the grounds of the Mountain of Despair in advance of the dedication ceremony.

Only "Made in China" items allowed into grounds for the ceremony

If our corporate partners are to accumulate ever greater wealth, the people must be taught what to fear.  Americans must learn to live in the shadow of the Mountain of Despair.   

American child faces the Mountain of Despair.