I like my father's take on DHS. If we accept that Agencies, Departments, Committees and the like are all about the same, and we acknowledge that the Homeland is the State, then we get:
Department = Committee Homeland = State Security = Security.
I think the name should remain 'Homeland Security' - it seems so apartheid South African that it would be a shame to lose that level of segregation and exclusivity. I think the change should come in annual sponsorships, much like the college bowl games: Tostitos Dept. of HS; Vitalis Dept of HS; Koch Family Dept. of HS; etc. There could be an annual auction to help offset the cost of new 'listening devices,' and the winning sponsor would earn the right to have company logo decals displayed prominently on helmets, flak jackets, cattle prods, etc. We have a budget to balance, people.
Department of Look Like You Are Busy .. because you can't figure out how to solve the underlying problems and don't think the American people can comprehend the notion of acceptable losses in the name of retaining freedom from unreasonable search and seizure.
The Internal Reclamation Service (IRS) or if that's too obscure a reference to a certain movie beginning with the 22nd letter of the alphabet, then how about: The Internal Redaction Service
Homeland Intelligence Agency - H.I.A Reporting to the G.I.A - Global Intelligence Agency who now oversees the C.I.A. and also has the secret I.I.A. - Internal Intelligence Agency to monitor all our other offices of government.
With the highest ranking official being:
The Directors office of "The Man" his most highest Big Brother in watching
Staying with the reality of it and what they are actually doing and for (by their own actions to date), how about Department of Absolute Bullsh*t (D.A.B.)? Or maybe Dept. of the Fourth Uber-riech (D.F.U.)? Or even Dept. of Do It or Else (D.I.E.)?
Fearland Insurity.
ReplyDeleteDepartment of Insecurity
ReplyDeleteDepartment of Fear, United States: DOFUS
ReplyDeleteDept. of "FatCatLand Security"!!!
ReplyDeleteSECURITY FEEL BETTER http://securityfeelbetter.com/
ReplyDeleteWaffling Staatssicherheit
ReplyDeleteFetusland Security
ReplyDeleteI like my father's take on DHS. If we accept that Agencies, Departments, Committees and the like are all about the same, and we acknowledge that the Homeland is the State, then we get:
ReplyDeleteDepartment = Committee
Homeland = State
Security = Security.
Committee for State Security, aka KGB.
I think the name should remain 'Homeland Security' - it seems so apartheid South African that it would be a shame to lose that level of segregation and exclusivity. I think the change should come in annual sponsorships, much like the college bowl games: Tostitos Dept. of HS; Vitalis Dept of HS; Koch Family Dept. of HS; etc. There could be an annual auction to help offset the cost of new 'listening devices,' and the winning sponsor would earn the right to have company logo decals displayed prominently on helmets, flak jackets, cattle prods, etc. We have a budget to balance, people.
ReplyDeletePeople's Commissariat for Internal Affairs
ReplyDeleteCommittee for State Security
I can't believe I'm the first one to suggest the obvious... Ministry of Love
ReplyDeleteDept. of Security Theater
ReplyDeleteDepartment of Look Like You Are Busy .. because you can't figure out how to solve the underlying problems and don't think the American people can comprehend the notion of acceptable losses in the name of retaining freedom from unreasonable search and seizure.
ReplyDeleteTry the American Gestapo.After all,that is what they are acting like
ReplyDelete"Department of Terror and Graft" was suggested here :
ReplyDeletehttp://www.metafilter.com/109198/Department-of-Terror-and-Graft
DOH
ReplyDeleteDepartment of Homeophobia
Department of Homeland Perversity
ReplyDeleteStrategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division
ReplyDeleteDistopia Homeland Security, Torqueo Patria Obsidis
ReplyDeleteIt was hidden in plain sight all along.
Spying on Citizens Bureau
ReplyDeleteDepartment of Manufactured Consent
ReplyDeleteDepartment of Hope and Change (DOHAC)
ReplyDeleteDepartment of Freedom Denial
ReplyDeleteThe Internal Reclamation Service (IRS)
ReplyDeleteor if that's too obscure a reference to a certain movie beginning with the 22nd letter of the alphabet, then how about:
The Internal Redaction Service
State Heroes Inspecting Tourists
ReplyDeleteMinistry of Inappropriate Hugs
ReplyDelete"Closed for business" is my choice.
ReplyDeleteSecurity Theater gets another vote because it's all just a show.
ReplyDeleteDepartment of Rights Removal
ReplyDeleteonly thing they actually succeed at
bonus the acronym is drr.
DEfending America THrough Security Theatrics And Ridiculousness, or Dept DEATHSTAR.
ReplyDeleteI've always thought of the government's tip of the fear spear as The Department of The American Inquisition.
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised that nobody has suggested Big Brother yet.
ReplyDeleteHow about fire all the idiots involved in this project and hire some real workers to actually get some real work done.
ReplyDeleteHomeland Intelligence Agency - H.I.A
ReplyDeleteReporting to the G.I.A - Global Intelligence Agency who now oversees the C.I.A. and also has the secret I.I.A. - Internal Intelligence Agency to monitor all our other offices of government.
With the highest ranking official being:
The Directors office of "The Man" his most highest Big Brother in watching
Wacky
ReplyDeleteAdministration
Sacrificing
the
Taxes
of
Everyone
Has Stasi been taken yet?
ReplyDeleteKeystone Cops?
ReplyDeleteiHappy?
Orwell's Nightmare?
We should take the approach that Japan uses and use contracted words. Take Homeland Security and contract it to The Department of Hose.
ReplyDeleteThe Department of Security Theater
ReplyDeleteMinistry of Peace
ReplyDeleteDept of stopping the same attack from happening twice so go try something new.
ReplyDeleteDept. of Chicken Little OMG Increase My Budget!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's obvious
ReplyDeleteReichssicherheitshauptamt
There are so many great possibilities
ReplyDeleteDept. of Cowardice, Groping, and 4th Amendment Evisceration
Department of Unconstitutionalizm
ReplyDeleteThe Stasi
ReplyDeleteStaatssicherheit, literally State Security.
2 possibilities come to mind:
ReplyDeleteDept. of Shove All Complaints Up Pooper (SACUP)
or
Bureau of Ending National Debate Over Violation of Everyone's Rights - (B.E.N.D.O.V.E.R.)
Department of CounterAmericanism
ReplyDeleteDepartment of Small Government
Staying with the reality of it and what they are actually doing and for (by their own actions to date), how about Department of Absolute Bullsh*t (D.A.B.)? Or maybe Dept. of the Fourth Uber-riech (D.F.U.)? Or even Dept. of Do It or Else (D.I.E.)?
ReplyDelete"Gestapo" would seem to fit the bill nicely.
ReplyDeleteDepartment of Emergency Response and Prevention
ReplyDeleteOR
Homeland Emergency Response and Prevention
"HERP/DERP has issued a report on the threat of domestic terrorism from the hacker group Anonymous today..."
Can we instead name it the Department of Xenophobia please?
ReplyDeleteDepartment of Fear Itself
ReplyDeleteDepartment of Indifferent Intrusion & Intimidation
ReplyDeleteCommittee for Unethical National Threat Scaremongering.
ReplyDeleteHow about:
ReplyDeleteGovernment Response to Obvious Political Expediency
GROPE.
Most of the accurate ones have already been stated:
ReplyDeleteGestapo, Ministry of Love, Staatssicherheit (Stasi always had a nice menacing ring to it)
horrifying to know KGBs translation and that DoF is the same thing.
How About: Homeland Gestappo Security Dummies?
ReplyDeleteSounds Great and works for ME! Whatcha Think?
Dept of Grope and Giggle
ReplyDeleteThe State Ministry of Behavior, Mind Control, and False Security.
ReplyDeleteMy 12-year old son suggested the AARP, but I told him that would give the real AARP a bad name.
ReplyDeleteS.P.Q.R.
ReplyDeleteDepartment of Paranoia Creation
ReplyDeleteMinistry of Security Theater 3000?
ReplyDeleteOtherwise I'll endorse the Orwellian MiniLiberty (MiniLove should be reserved for the DoD).
Department of Internal Suppression
ReplyDeleteHow about: "The Considerate Big Brother Department"?
ReplyDelete